Most of us in the 275-pound weight class and above do not exactly look the athletes. To be honest, we look like fat guys with bigger deltoids and traps.
Okay, maybe just traps. I know the feeling. You want what you wear to scream, “I am a strength athlete, damn it!” You want folks who pass you on the street to understand that you are a bald headed, goateed, lifting machine. You set off the lunk alarm just walking past a Planet Fitness. You’ve never done curls in the squat rack.
I give to you, my portly yet jacked brothers, a list that will make you look like you lift.
Nothing says “lifter” like a Strong(er) T-shirt. Complete strangers will ask you why the E and R are in parenthesis. This will give you the opportunity to let them know that it stands for “Extraordinary Resolve.” You can then give examples of what extraordinary resolve is – like training at 5 in the morning, or having no skin left on the front of your shins from deadlifting.
No, I do not like the band that goes by that name (Okay, “Calling All Angels” is catchy). Train is what I do. I don’t exercise. I don’t work out. I TRAIN. I break blood vessels in my face every time I bench. That doesn’t happen when you work out.
Beanies keep your head warm and look cool. Black beanies look even cooler. A black beanie with the elitefts™ logo is off the charts. I find that a black beanie looks best when worn with the next item on this list…
If you haven’t noticed yet, everything on this list is black. Why? The color black is slimming. When you’re a fat guy slimming without giving up your pack of Oreos a day habit is everything. A long sleeve black T-shirt also allows you to look like you’re really jacked. It makes your shoulders look bigger and your arms look like there might be veins under that shirt. No, there are no veins visible anywhere on my body. I think you would have to do more than five reps per set to look vascular, and we all know that anything over five reps is cardio.
Nothing on earth will get more curious looks from the general public than stopping at a store on the way home from a deadlift workout to pick something up. The fact that you are covered from head to toe in chalk residue will simply blow people’s minds. I actually had a woman once ask me if I was out rock climbing…at 340 pounds.
Powerlifters rival hockey players when it comes to how much stuff we carry around with us. Belt, shoes, wraps, towels, chalk, ammonia caps, supplements, enough neoprene to outfit a scuba diver–it all has to fit in there. This duffel bag was made with the lifter in mind, and it comes in black. Enough said about that.
So, if you don’t plan on putting your estate in Rhodestown up for sale in a while, this is the list for you.
From Thanksgiving until January 1, we are going to be posting a “Holiday Wish List” submitted by one of our readers. If yours is chosen, you win a $25 elitefts™ Gift Card. The best written (funniest, most creative, inspirational or thought-provoking) one will be awarded a $250 Gift Card. We will be posting at least one of these every day so, there are many opportunities to win!
To enter, send your submission to email@example.com. Each wish list should be AT LEAST 500 words long and the author needs to choose 5-10 items from the elitefts.com store and explain why they would either like to have the item or recommend it to someone else. Each list should have a theme and include a short bio. Submissions must be in the form of a Microsoft Word document.
Entries are being accepted immediately! Send yours to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Friday, December 20th is your last chance to enter the elitefts™ Holiday Wish List competition! Entries submitted after this date will not be accepted.