The Be Jacked Like Santa Wish List

At the age of 12, I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. Standing underneath the power rack, his four-inch black suede belt and lace-up boots were unmistakable. It was then that I realized the truth: Santa (aka Magnusson Von Santa Klaus) is an old school powerlifter. After finishing an entire package of Oreos and developing a bloat of which Dave Tate would be jealous, he was gone in a cloud of chalk. Ever since that night, I vowed that I would become as strong as that white-bearded man. However, to do so, I need a few things…

Prowler® 2. Second only in durability to Santa’s sleigh. I harness up my six-year-old husky, and we take turns moving it for GPP. You can pile on the weights and use it to build muscle while conditioning. Reverse drags is a great quad workout and therapeutic to boot.

Premium elitefts™ P2 Power Belt. That old suede belt is so 2000s, man. Get a leather belt and watch it develop a beautiful patina as your lifts rise over the years. A high-quality belt like this will certainly outlive you, so make sure to alter your will after buying this.

Ammonia Caps. If you haven’t alienated everyone at your commercial gym yet, you need to get this. It’s stronger than reindeer piss.

Bands. This is a no brainer. Bands are great for supplementing any max effort lift, as well as on their own for assistance exercises.

Straps. With the amount of lifting Santa needs to do in one evening, he doesn’t want his grip limiting his performance. I find that the Old School Black & Gray Wrist Straps (Super Heavy) are easier to crank down, and they provide a ton of support, especially on rubber coated dumbbell handles and grips.

Chalk. If your deadlifts aren’t attracting enough attention, carry this around in your gym bag and look like a coke dealer while you lift. If you aren’t using chalk several times a week, you’re doing something wrong. Fortunately, a lifetime supply of this is fairly cheap.

Knee/Elbow Sleeves. Keep your joints warm and they will thank you. And a warm joint is a much more mobile one. These are a necessity if you plan on lifting for more than a few years and are a staple for any outdoor training. Plus, they are easy to wash and dry.

Blue Heat. Ahhhh… there’s no better way to feel hardcore, yet smell like your grandpa at the same time. Try this under your knee/elbow sleeves for double warmth. It is also great for horses and reindeer. Oh, and wash your hands after applying this to avoid roasting your chestnuts.

With these, you will be on your way to being able to carry a hefty (and endless) bag of toys in no time. Just don’t expect that bench belly to go away if you try to squeeze down an enclosed space… Santa’s got that one on you.

For the complete Get Jacked Like Santa wish list, click HERE!

 

 

Related Articles:

A Christmas Wish List for Your Momma

The University Frat Boy’s “Getting Swole” Wish List

“I’m Not a Powerlifter, But I Play One on YouTube” Holiday Wish

 

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