Note from the Editor: We couldn’t find part one, so we published part two. Well, part one showed up, so go back and check out part two after you read this!
Here at Strength & Performance gym, it’s been a pretty good first 12 months in business. In that time, we’ve managed to break away from the status quo and set up our very own haven of athletic excellence. Strength & Performance is now firmly established as one of the UK’s best training facilities. We’re proud to be paving the way for the future of strength and conditioning in our country. We now regularly contribute to two of the world’s largest fitness magazines—Men’s Health and Men’s Fitness. We’ve also been featured in Fighter’s Only magazine, Craine’s Business Magazine, and FHM and make regular contributions as ‘experts’ for Myprotein.co.uk (Europe’s largest supplements company).
Over the last year, we’ve built up a roster of athletes that includes UFC middleweight contender Michael ‘The Count’ Bisping. We currently train athletes from UK lacrosse, Great Britain American football, netball, handball, and inline skating plus several top MMA and Muay Thai fighters; rugby, football, and professional Super Kart athletes, and more! Not too bad considering our former boss gave us six months to go under!
Strength & Performance exists to provide a platform for athletes and non-athletes of all abilities to achieve greatness in every dimension of their training. We’d like to think that we’re pretty damn good at it, too!
In past lives, my co-director, very good friend, and long-time training partner, Sean, and I have had to endure life, work, and training at various commercial enterprises. Along the way, we’ve come across some sights that would shock even the most hardened gym rat. Following the success of part one and part two of the much discussed “Twenty Things That Piss Me Off About Commercial Gyms” blogs and having received many comments asking for another edition, we think it’s as good a time as any to unleash a little more Strength &Performance gold for your reading pleasure.
However, before we do this, I feel the need to put a little disclaimer out there, not because I give a crap what people think about my/our opinions on things but more to dissuade anyone from commenting who is offended by the views expressed in this post. In a kind of ‘tongue in cheek’ way, I’ll just say that if you don’t agree with this, don’t f*****g read it. Simple!
Below is a short list of things that may go some way in justifying certain statements further along in this article in the event that any negative comments make it through the tough elitefts.com vetting process:
- I’m not an elite(ist) athlete.
- I’m not a powerlifter nor have I ever been a power lifter.
- Yes, I do own my own gym and I train there.
- I have worked both as a fitness professional/personal trainer and in management in commercial gyms.
- I don’t wear Under Armour or shout “Yeah buddy” when spotting!
- My opinions are my own.
- I am very opinionated and I stand by my opinions.
- I don’t just listen to heavy metal and rap music nor do my athletes.
- I have a sense of humor!
- I’m not trying to be like Mike Guadango!
- I reserve the right to be offended.
- Strength & Performance isn’t anything like Crossfit nor am I a Crossfit hater!
I hope this helps to clarify my standpoint a little. So, without wasting any more time, let’s get to it. Here’s part three in the series:
1) People with imaginary lat and trap syndrome (ILATS): This is possibly one of the worst crimes committed by an all be it small but dangerous minority of commercial gym goers. These people are also known as ‘prize douchebags!’ You can spot someone with ILATS quite easily. He’s usually the one hogging the lat pull-down and low pulley row machines with his mates but rarely actually does any proper back work. You may also catch him hanging tough in the squat rack. He will most likely be doing high rep barbell shrugs with straps and the kind of weight my 16-month-old baby girl would be embarrassed to lift.
It actually pains me to see these half-wits swaggering through the middle of the free weights area like male peacocks, puffing out their chests, permanently shrugging their shoulders like they have a syndrome, and holding their arms out wide to the side as if they were carrying a small pig under each one. What they are trying to do is con you into thinking that they have huge lats and traps, but don’t be fooled. In reality, they’re either very small or nonexistent!
ILATS sufferers please take a second to read this important public service announcement: “Take a good hard look in the mirror. Go on. I’m giving you the chance to justifiably pose for once. Now, when your back profile mirrors that of a lowland alpha male Silverback Gorilla, then and only then is it time to brush that dirt off your shoulder and prepare to be hit on by numerous hot chicks. Until that time comes, please feel free to walk normally, and for God’s sake, put your arms down. Don’t you realize that you look like a tool! How about I introduce you to a few sets of full range pull-ups and heavy-ass dumbbell rows? WTF 8*
2) People who fill up their protein shakers at the only water fountain in the gym: This includes personal trainers, too. Yes, you, douchebags. I’m talking to you! You know who you are, you inconsiderate pricks! I don’t know what pisses me off more—the fact that most of these special people probably don’t have the faintest idea why they’re ingesting extra protein in the first place or that they’re completely unsympathetic in the extreme to the needs of the strength disciple who is no doubt being deprived of much needed water while they’re pontificating over what type of protein is best and whether taking creatine is ‘cheating.’ And what are fat burners anyway?
Save that shake for the changing rooms you pumped up poser and quit purposefully ‘flexing’ every time a foxy blonde strolls by in her Juicy tracksuit. It doesn’t impress them and it certainly doesn’t impress me! WTF 7*
3) Stupid people who ask, “Are you still using this mate?” as you stand gasping for breath over a loaded barbell: You begin, “Listen ‘mate’(the fact that I’m still standing should give you a clue here, Einstein), if I had enough breath in my body, I would beat you to death with this barbell (for now you just have to settle with an icy ‘don’t f**k with me’ glare). Even if I have finished this set, I certainly won’t be giving you the bar you prick. Instead I think I’ll give it to the outrageously hot female who looks like she knows more about lifting weight than you do.” Girl, put those glutes away before you hurt somebody! WTF 7* (not the chick!)
4) When you do something remotely athletic (i.e. box jumps, farmer’s walks, explosive medicine ball throws), the management look at you as if you come from Mars: So I’m not allowed chalk, I’m not allowed to deadlift over 100 kgs, and loud noise is forbidden. Jesus ‘H’ Christ! I can’t even exhale or break wind without some two-bit jobs worth manager telling me to “Keep it down please. You’re intimidating other members.” And now I’m being penalized for being straight up athletic as well? What kind of outfit are you running here?
So it’s fine for you to spend billions of pounds of my hard earned cash on the latest new fangled functional bulls**t that I for one am never going to use, but when it comes to me wanting do my own thing in order to make maximum gains, it isn’t allowed? Why? Because I choose to do things a little differently than the way you were all taught at personal trainer school? Give me a break!
Just because I’m a bad ass mofo, it doesn’t give you the right to treat me like a second class gym member. If I want to hit 50 plus inch box jumps on the pink and purple aerobic blocks on the gym floor, I’m going to do it! Let me worry about the consequences! Roman curls with my feet under the cable crossover machine help bullet proof my hamstrings. Don’t like it? Don’t watch! And handstand press ups to increase my bench—it is safe if I have a proper spot. So please save me the lecture and worry about something else like making sure your abs class is properly staffed. WTF 8*
5) People with skinny legs in comparison to their upper body: “Each to their own!” I hear you cry. Screw that! I don’t care what you say. Looking like that should be punishable by high rep deadlifts until sick!
Tell me where in the international texts on bodybuilding/nightclub security does it say that you must possess the upper body of Jay Cutler combined with the lower body of an underfed giraffe? If you can show me, I’ll happily eat my words!
“But deadlifting hurts my lower back (because it’s weak!) and squats hurt my neck. And anyway, I used to squat 500 lbs when I was 12, but my legs got too big, so I stopped doing them.” (“Cause I’m a weak little b**ch” is what you really mean, isn’t it buddy?)
It’s time to wake up and smell the ‘hot lava java’ coffee! Don’t you realize that hitting heavy, deep squats twice per week will not only put hairs in places you can only imagine but will also help to produce strong children and instantly make you irresistible to the opposite sex. This is an indisputable scientific fact! I’m sure big Jim Wendler said so once…and he’s never wrong. So there! Now run along before I embarrass you in front of your drug dealer friends fool! WTF 6*
6) Those balance band things: Balance bands??!! Whoa there just a second. Back that s**t up. Which idiot invented these? No really—I want to know! Clearly someone with too much time on their hands. Maybe I should introduce them to the person who invented that blue wobbly half disc thingy. They would have a field day together wearing balance bands and balancing precariously while performing strict pistol squats with one kettlebell above their heads. I mean seriously…balance bands?! Give me a break! And please feel free not to comment below if you wear these tacky pieces of s**t plastic that probably don’t work (just my opinion). WTF 7*
7) Loud people discussing in detail last night’s conquests with their loud friends: You must have encountered these ill-mannered baboons before. If not, you obviously haven’t hung out at many commercial gyms as unfortunately I have. (I look forward to the comments below from people who adopt the “it’s your choice to train there…no one has a gun to your head” approach. Please accept my sincere apologies if I choose not to be bored with your unwanted views.)
Personally, I feel disinclined to have my ears polluted with the ramblings of some incoherent, pimply faced weed of a teenager who either did or didn’t ‘get some’ last night. This isn’t helped by the fact that they seemingly haven’t had access to a dictionary or indeed any form of education for the last 18 or so years, so all you tend to hear are phrases like ‘sick,’ ‘blood,’ and ‘innit.’ Don’t quote me directly on this though. My apologies if my ghetto speak is a little rusty.
If they focused their energy more on lifting heavy weight and less on flapping their gills, they wouldn’t have the body of a six-year-old girl and they would almost certainly see more action. Save your bulls**t for the school yard, son. I’m trying to focus on getting ‘swole’ here and I can’t concentrate with you yapping in my ear hole. If I hear another peep out of you, I’m going to make you eat that dipping belt and trust me when I say it doesn’t taste nice! WTF 8*
People who drive around the parking lot for half an hour looking for the nearest possible space to the entrance when there are millions of spaces toward the back: I know this isn’t technically limited to commercial gyms, but what the heck! It’s a very valid point that I feel should be shared. Some call it the law of attraction. I call it stupid sheep like people without any brain and zero originality. Yeah, that’s got a nice ring to it!
Seriously, how long will it take to walk that extra 100 yards? One minute? Maybe two minutes? Come on you guys! Step out of your comfort zone. Live a little. You’ll live a lot longer if you exercise at a moderate intensity for 2–3 minutes a day. WTF 7*
While we’re on the subject, the same applies to those inconsiderate morons who think they can just pull up outside the gym in the loading/drop off zone or worse still park in the disabled spaces (these guys are clearly not disabled in any way) and just swagger into the gym like they’re some untouchable gangster. I hope you douchebags get clamped or towed or better still clapped in irons and thrown in the dungeons. WTF 8*
9) Ugly receptionists: Just kidding!
9) People who wear skinny fit T-shirts to exaggerate small arms (the real nine this time): This is a dirty low down trick employed by those who simply don’t possess ‘guns’ worthy of public viewing. I bet you think you’re mighty clever don’t you, pouting over by the water cooler in that suspiciously snug fitting Hollister number. Let me see, I can’t quite see the label…is that a size medium or a small? Yes, but there isn’t any need to advertise the fact!
Unfortunately, the T-shirt doesn’t add inches to your manhood and it won’t help you to lift more. These are two facts you should probably bear in mind before rushing out to your nearest retail outlet. My advice is this—put away that post workout banana, which you no doubt shoved in your training bag before you set off for work. Bananas will not turn you into a babe magnet. Fact! Instead, fill your shaker full of whey protein and oats and prepare for your weekly food bill to double. It takes a long, long time to get big (cleanly). This is a hard fact of life, my friends, so either get used to the idea or be content on staying small and weed-like. It’s your choice. But don’t just cop out and reach for the tightest T-shirt you can find in the dryer (a great shrinking tool by the way). This just makes you a pathetic cheat and no one likes a cheat, do they? Plus, you’re bound to get found out pretty damn quickly when those knots in your arms suddenly become visible overnight.
You would gain more respect from your peers if you just manned the f**k up and wore the right size or maybe a size bigger. That way you can at least earn the right to show those arms off, but don’t come up in here and pretend you’re Ronnie Coleman just coz you know which way the beach is. WTF 7*
10) People who take/use their mobile phones on the gym floor: Just when you bunch of first class douchebags thought you’d got away with it. Boom! Gotcha! I was just saving you until last. Not so smug now, are we?
Can I just make this point abundantly clear. There isn’t a single good reason to have your mobile phone on the gym floor. I’ll spell it out in capitals so you get the message loud and clear—THERE ISN’T A SINGLE GOOD REASON TO HAVE YOUR MOBILE PHONE ON THE GYM FLOOR!
“But I’m a doctor and I have to have my phone on me at all times.” Bulls**t! Why? What’s so important that it can’t wait a few minutes? If you’re expecting an emergency call at any moment, let’s face it, you probably shouldn’t be wasting your time on that treadmill, should you? Pick a day and time when you aren’t on call. If you’re always on call, well then may I suggest you get a gym in your garage at home. You don’t have a garage? Oh well, never mind. You can just make do with your living room instead. As long as the solution doesn’t involve you hogging my breathing space, I couldn’t give a s**t!
I couldn’t care less if the future of civilization depended on people having their phones with them when training. I don’t want to see them, hear them, or even know they exist when I’m trying to shift some weight. There’s nothing worse than having to listen to some moron talking to his business partner either about some deal that’s about to go down. You won’t be smiling for long if you don’t put that phone away, son! And is that a Smith machine you’re benching in? Douchebag!
That s**t is just annoying. If it’s that important, why don’t you run along and actually do the deal instead of taking up a bench that could be better used by someone who actually gives a crap about their training. WTF 9*
I hope you enjoyed this post. Please feel free to leave your comments below. Please see above for reasons why you shouldn’t comment and please forgive my irritable responses. Rest assured that I will be working away on the next installment so any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
I also intend to pen some articles on topics a little closer to home. It isn’t just commercial gyms that may come under fire. This may shock some. I’ll try and keep that under wraps for now though until all is revealed. You’ll just have to keep checking us out on Facebook, Twitter, and Four Square and at our website www.strengthandperformance.co.uk.
Was that a shameless plug? I think so! OK, enough already. Please feel free to laugh, cry, enjoy, share, tweet, re-tweet, rant, cancel your gym membership, lift some heavy s**t, burn your Abercrombie & Fitch T-shirts, run out and buy a barbell and some plates, or whatever. Just keep doing what you do and strive to be awesome! Until the next time, stay strong!
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Zoran Dubiac is an experienced sportsperson in many different disciplines, but his passion lies in athletic performance enhancement. He is an expert in using both conventional and cutting-edge methods, having spent years putting his exercise and sports science accreditation to practical use with a range of fitness clients. He has worked and trained with relative novices to talented Olympic hopefuls alike and understands how to achieve maximum results for both. With an unrivalled passion for training and a willingness to ‘get under the bar and lift,’ Zoran is recognized as an athlete who can jump, sprint, lift, and push all his clients to a higher level in order for them to fully appreciate the gains that can be achieved while keeping them healthy in the process. 
I will give one caveat for number 10, with the advent of smartphones. I keep my exercise log on my phone as an Excel spreadsheet. However, I do set the damned thing in manner mode, and ignore any calls I get on it when in the gym.
Meh, I can name several good reasons for the phone. But, the main one is that my iphone is what I play my music on.
Great article! You forgot to mention the exasperating “Membership Sales Counselors” that every commercial gym staffs. They hound you for names and litter your windshield with handfuls of guest passes your friends cannot redeem.
It’s not so much the prescence of the phone, it’s how it’s used. If you’re talking, you ain’t training. Think that’s kind of the point. Anything that takes away from training should be banned from the gym floor. You need to take a call, step outside.
My girl is due to give birth in about 3 weeks..good enough reason right there to have my cell phone on me on the gym floor..
#1- PERFECT: I call it BLS (Big Lat Syndrome). How about this one. “When people talk about how they can squat over 500 pounds, BUT on a smith machine. REALLY, put 500 on the bar and see yourself collapse onto the floor! Another great article. THANKS and keep up the good work!
I hate when guys lift and watch themselves in the mirror. Its fkn sad
People who don’t put the wieghts back after using them, seriously makes me want to plant a DB in the back of their head.
I don’t know if its the same for other gyms but at my gym about 80% of people do this. Although it makes me super pissed, I get to take my anger out on the squat rack.
I agree with the points, but this what just poor writing. Painful to read.
I think playing Angry birds between sets is a valid reason to have a phone at the gym. ;–)
Half of you idiots are posting just to post. Who cares if you have a baby on the way in three weeks or that is the device I play my music on. Why are you wasting time to post. And last but certainly not least the jack wagon who is lying in pain because of how unbearable the read was due to grammar, sentence structuring, and etc. This is suppose to be a fun/truth read. Let the man post an article. I sure would not want to take the time to post an article again if I knew I was to be strung up over idiots like you that care so much about proper structure oppose to the actual context!
Cory hit the nail on the head
I love this site, and will be ever grateful for all the great (and free!) information it has provided. I will, however, never understand the point of these types of articles. The first one was somewhat funny, the second perhaps received a chuckle. But, come on, what is the purpose of this same article being posted with just different variations.
And Zoran, yes I read your little proviso, don’t worry. But how do people know if they like your article until after they’ve read it?
Reading this makes me so glad ive never trained in a commercial gym. In fact i went into a club *shudder* last saturday (for all of 5 mins in my defence) and the amount of cunts with tank tops, ILS and no legs was enough to put anyone off for life.
“I agree with the points, but this what just poor writing. Painful to read.” <— So what (was) this……
Good article, lots of phone lovers here.
I have to use my phone, have you heard the $#!t the play as music in these places ??
11. Being told you are doing too many reps on bench by someone who is suffering from ILATs that could maybe eek out a 250lb bench after 3 servings of NoX Explode, 4 Red Bulls, and a 5 hour energy drink.
didn’t read the comments, but loved the one about driving around trying to find a better spot at the gym. you’re going to the gym, which–in itself–means you are attempting to make yourself fitter (or just tan?), so what’s the extra 50 yards going to do you but help out?
funny article, always like these
Oh I like when people make excuses for why the do dumb stuff…….funny thing Z they only read because they have the ILATS syndrome on ur next post u should talk about how guys for example I just joined a commercial center since I just moved untill I can find a GYM. My problem is I join and in less then a week I see guys spindle my exercises not knowing what the heck they are doing butchering it and also thinking its a max effort ……. I was spindle recovery work facepulls and I come in see a guys doing his own variation mind u I had roughly 40 pounds and 15 reps he was doing 3 ugly wacked out ones 130 lbs half squared down for leverage and had a belt around his chest so his friend could hold him back …….. He done 2 sets looked at me and said that’s how u do it I busted out in tears from laughing so hard ……. I literally about pissed my self from laughing ……….. After I regained composure I told him he was a stupid prick. I ran into him the next day and he asked me what he did wrong he had to go to the hospital that night and done severe damage to his rotator cuff and strained several deltoid muscles he was waiting for me when I arrived. Needless to say I told him to $%&@ off and kept walking I did notice he had black bruises on both shoulders …lol
Love ur article and keep m coming …….. Sorry bout the rant
Spell.check.made doing come out as.spindle….sorry
Thanks for the comments guys! To be honest, i did cringe a little on reading this back! haha. Unfortunately my use of the english language isn’t my strong suit. Furthermore, I’ve sort of mellowed a little since writing this around 6 months ago and was considering pulling it from EFS on the basis that not everyone has a sense of humour!
I write serious articles as well and we train a lot of serious guys at S&P but the bottom line of this article was to provide a bit of light relief to break up the sometimes heavy undertones of the majority of articles on EFS.
Having a cell phone on your person or nearby gym-bag is fine as long as you don’t have it out and distracting others. If you don’t want to train tough and would rather text, that is your business but don’t let it interfere with others who are in the gym to train hard.
I still can’t get over this one dude who talks on his cell with bluetooth strapped to his ear while actually performing bench press sets (yes, in the MIDDLE of the set!) He’s not even breaking a sweat.
Or how about dudes who always brag about the 12 plates they put on each side of the leg press. Then you watch them and they are using their hands and pushing against their knees and doing about a 3 inch deep knee bend. They’re working their triceps more than the quads.
While I train, I keep a matrix excel spreadsheet of all my gym activities. For example, when I start out my workout with 12 sets of reverse barbell curls in the squat rack, I like to enter my reps onto the spreadsheet. I have my matrix color-coded and I rate my exhertion level for each set. Red is very intense which would be like a set of reverse curls of 45 x 16. You’d be amazed at the pump you get just using the squat bar in the power rack to do the reverse curls. What peaves me off about these commercial gyms is these big gorilla dudes that stop by the power rack and glare at me and have the audacity to try and intimidate me away and telling me they need to squat 800 lbs in the rack with their loud grunting and chalk flying. How rude! And you don’t see these fellows even using a matrix to record their barbaric movements in the gym. Don’t they know anything about lifting?
I suffer from #5, but I messed up my knee real bad playing hockey in high school.
Every time I start to get back towards heavy weight on legs I end up with more damage.
When I was 17 I was squating 405 now I can barely do 315 at 22 years old..
@bryan410 I’m not an expert so take this with a grain of salt, but if that were me I’d probably just back of the weight and perfect my form and maybe do some hypertrophy work on my legs. Plus without knowing how you squat, and how serious your injury is you may just be making your knee worse if form is sub par. If this is unwanted sorry I just thought I’d offer some advice (granted I’m not Dave Tate lol).
Great post Zoran. As a crossfitter (by no means do I or have I ever been a powerlifter) I thought your list(s) were a riot. Unfortunately my military experience has taught me that 99% of military guys are like this in the gyms, its a shame. Some of us share your pain…
@ jorge it called a squat rack.dope a reason so get ur non existant legs loving outto their rack . Also the reason they don’t use a spread sheet is they have dedicated years to build their lifts and not doing every workout muscle planet fitness etc……etc comes out with and they have all that worked out in their heads they have already done that days workout in their minds and know exactly what they must do also …….. If they were to use ur stupid charts not every day would be a red day …… They use max effort days. Recovery days . Dynamic . Speed days. Assistance days so they would literally have 20 milloin charts over the 15 years they hqve been lifting to get to that 800 lb squat…….oh and chalk is for men don’t worry ……. You’ll never need it
@matt I’m pretty sure he was being sarcastic :}
@Matt RE: Jorge
Sarcasm on the Internet is kind of like those “magic eye” images…some people can see it and some can’t.
My favorite is the super thin muscle tank and long baggy pants. if its warm enough in here for that tankini, perhaps try dishing the snow pants. But we all know its because your chest and arms look nice but your legs look like suck! On a personal note, I HAVE to buy pants 3 sizes too big so they fit my thighs/ass. Its a burden I carry with great honor. And thats why I train in a cement playground with a leaky roof, not at GYM USA
@Matt. How do you guys still get trolled like that!! Man i LOVE EFS.
@ Matt… Cool story bro
I use my smart phone to play music , film lifts, and my coach emails me a workout on an excel spreadsheet.
And I own the place so it’s ok.
There are plenty of things that piss me off about my gym. No doubt. I gotta say though, I have received a lot of support from random dudes. One dude helped me strip a bar that someone left a bunch of plates on just cuz he was walking by! A few months ago, I broke my foot but still hobbled around on crutches. Plenty of guys helped my ass out and let me know that they respected me for not letting my injury slow me down. So while there are shitty things about my gym, it doesn’t suck completely. Props to the guys who know how to keep it real in the midst of all the stupidity!!!
Brilliant article, especially #4. You could add how douchebags think push presses are cheating
I use my phone to read elitefts articles like this one while waiting on the geriatrics to leave the only power rack at the rec center. You shoulda seen my face when I got to number ten Hahaha
“Just because I’m a bad ass mofo”
You seriously wrote this about YOURSELF???
Look, if you’re going to train in commercial gyms, and you’re going to carry on like a total idiot (see quoted comment) then you shouldn’t be surprised if normal people don’t want to train with you.
If you’re this hardcore, just get your own setup (as I know you have and, kudos). If you’ve been around for this long you shouldn’t be surprised that:
“1. So I’m not allowed chalk,
2. I’m not allowed to deadlift over 100 kgs
3. loud noise is forbidden. (i’m sure some lifting related noise, within reason is allowed)
4 Jesus ‘H’ Christ! I can’t even exhale or break wind without some two-bit jobs worth manager telling me to “Keep it down please. You’re intimidating other members.”
Seriously???
You’re surprised that “intimidating other members” is something that the gym membership don’t encourage????
It’s good that you’re running your own show then. You sound incompatible with 99% of gyms around these days.
Thank goodness for my basement/garage gym!!!!
WOW! The last rant that I read like that was written by Dave Tate. Keep up the good work man.
I joined a gym at the prompting of my wife who wanted to ‘get in shape’ and get me in out of the cold back in AprilYou see I like to train like an old dinosaur which I am at 56 yrs.
I LIKE TRAINING OUTSUDE. There’s something rugged primal about it. No frills and no bullshit. I make and break the rules as I see fit! My dear wife was getting unsettled having me training outside in 35-4+degree weather throught the winter. When it snowed I shoveled like a mad man with a method. Shoveling is GOOD training.
Well we went together and I showed her around the machines and kinda coached her along for a month or so. She lost interest and I, well ,stopped going in there after a couple more months. When I lift heavy (relative term),I tend to make some noise either with the barbell and plates and or my vocals. The last time I was in there deadlifting and power cleans at one point a half dozen of thsoe pencilnecked goons in their blue staff uniform golf shirts started coming around. And not to offer any assistance just to gawk and see what’s going on. I knew that if I kept it up they be telling me about some damned gym rules! Ya already can’t use chalk and they really don’t like real noise from lifters. Neeless to say I’m back in the back yard and happy as a clam.
You left out one that many commercial gyms suffer from:
-Shitty equipment (nonstandard, “stop sign” plates, bent bars, wobbly benches. . .)
-Shitty equipment that breaks (e.g Cybex DB benches and power rack pins break all the time)
There is no excuse for shitty equipment because shitty equipment plus heavy weights equals danger. Shitty equipment means irresponsibility and probably ignorance of what constitutes good equipment on the part of the manager
so how much can bisping deadlift?
Did I read this correctly? This guy is upset because someone is eating a post-workout banana instead of drinking a protein shake and eating oats? really? this makes you angry? wow, sounds like someone needs to get a life.
Fabulous article. It should be posted at every 24hr gym, Gold’sGym, Ballys, etc. Club-gyms are full of: 1/4 squatters, 1/4 Benchers, Chest & Biceps everyday doers, 2 hours of weights and finish with 1 hour of cardio doers (overtraining morons), Loud grunters, Never rack their weight guys, mad-dogging you for minutes instead of lifting guys, ask what you are taking (supps, roids, etc.) guys, Guito-wannabe guys, get in your way or steal your machine guys, giant-set four-five machines at a time guys, farts in gym guys, guys who follow magazine routine guys, guys who listen to their moron friends for advice only guys, and 95% of the gym-rats in those club-gyms have no clue what they are doing, they have a huge ego or simply are close-minded as heck so they will never listen to the truth and never progress. 80% is Diet/Sleep/Recovery, 20% is HOW you train. Wake up society god damn. Serious-performance gyms or fully set-up basement/garage gyms are the way to go, I agree with Nilles.
I think you spend way too much time worrying about what other people do.
#’s 3 and 4 are legit issues. The rest is bitching about other people. Put your headphones on and get your work done.
Things that piss me off:
1) Guys who are weaker than me.
Anybody who refers to me as ”brah”
2) Guys who are stronger than me.
3) Guys who are smaller than me.
4) Guys who are bigger than me.
5) People who post without adding anything constructive to the discussion.
6) People who don’t get sarcasm.
7) People who are sarcastic.
9) People who make stupid lists.
10) Lists that don’t go up to 10.
From a girl lifter’s perspective, here are some of my all-time commercial gym annoyances:
1. A random creeper starts chatting me up asking me if I work out. No a$$hole, I’m here to get a date. What the fudge!!!
2. While doing deadlifts a crock of a trainer comes up to me and says, “If you really want to hit your upper back you should do your rows like this…” Oh really? Well, the thing is, I was doing a deadlift, which you do like this…would you like to try?!!?!
3. Catty glances from cardio queens: That’s right honey, keep going at 2.5mph on your stepper to work your glutes. How about coming off of your self-proclaimed pedestal and actually put some work in??!? But that means your hair and make-up may come undone. Shame.
4. If my headphones are on that means I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU! STOP INTERRUPTING ME!!!! And then the aforementioned icy, don’t-eff-with-me stare comes out.
5. When more creepers comment on my technique, which is another creepy way of them looking at my arse. Pay attention to your own workout.
UGHHH Boys…
#11 – When girls complain about guys checking them out at the gym but they are wearing short shorts that say “juicy” across the ass.
11. Whiney little douchbags …….12. Michael Bisping ….
I am a CPT through ACSM and I happen to train at 2 very different gyms. One gym I train high school athletes in speed and agility, as well as strength training. We share our 25,000sq ft facility with a very highly know MMA school in the Chicago land area with both UFC and Bellator fighters coming in every day. I really enjoy incorporating strongman style training with my athletes. It is looked highly apon in this atmosphere and I love it.
Gym #2 or should I say “fitness” center is only about 15minutes away but you go from middle to upper middle class at gym #1 to upper upper upper class of people that think doing tricep kick backs with purple 3lb dumbells are going to help you lose arm fat.
With kids in school during the day you need to train the general population to make your money to survive. I dont hate working there because of the ignorant starbucks workoutees. Some people actually execute lifts that are foreign to the people of this town… I call these lifts bench, squats and deadlifts. I’ve turned some real “housewives” into very strong and lean machines and they often thank me for pushing them and showing them the light. Enough with my ran. Below are the top few things that I see everyday in gym #2/climate controlled fitness center.
1) Mocha Latte in hand as they circle isometric strength machines while reading People magazine to find out about the newest scoop on Brad and Angelina.
2)Walking slow as mudd up a stair stepper as they hyperextend their arms to hold their body weight. (Look how many calories I burned!)
3)Women avoiding the free weights like the plague because they dont wanna be BULKY. (No big meat heads in this gym to even scare them off!)
4)High school football athletes that are junior/seniors that don’t know how to execute a proper squat or deadlift. (Very Frustrating)
5) Tricep Kick Backs (Had to squeeze this in)
6)Power Rack aka Bicep Cage
7)Top 40 Songs (I dont need to have heavy metal blasting through the walls but how many songs does Adele have?)
8)People that sport Under Armour like they are in a commercial yet they never appear to break a sweat. (Climate Controlled so we are comfortable)
9)Male clients telling me they wanna get strong and in shape but not look like Arnold. If there are any other trainers out there with a big frame I’m sure you hear this all the time and think how your sedintary client could even imagine this possible. (Im glad you told me you dont wanna look like a brick shit house because your half hour a week commitment inbetween your starbucks and indulging cheeseburgers is gonna make a big difference. phew!
I am now getting fired up about this! I’m missing out on what is outside my office door so I will report back with more as I see it.
…THERE ISN’T A SINGLE GOOD REASON TO HAVE YOUR MOBILE PHONE ON THE GYM FLOOR!
well, if i forget my watch, i use the timer…..and rather than bring a seperate calculator for my 5/3/1 computations…..
but i put it in airplane mode in the gym to save the battery, so the spirit of your comment rings true w/ me
Lmao, best article ever, with the best comments.
Although these articles are kind or redundant they are fun to read. I feel bad for the folks here that have to pay monthly dues to experience these travesties. Being in the Army on the world’s biggest military installation allows me the freedom to train in up to 6 facilities in a 4 mile radius for free! But nothing is more excruciating then having to share a training facility with 19-22 year old privates who have shitty tattoos of grenades on their arms and wear any multitude of MMA t- shirts or old school p.o.g NCO’s who workout in ACU’s because they are trying to be “high speed”. I hate doing 5-6 rounds of a barbell complex and then being asked if I am into “crossfit”. What I have learned over the years is that it is best to just focus on your training, have fun and if you are approached by curious people in the gym, invite them to train with you, enlighten them to real training and as they begin to see results they will train like you and therefore decrease the amount of assholes in the gym that piss you off
“Follow Me”
One thing that irritates the crap out of me is when I am using the squat rack someone coming and removing plates for their use. I am a bit….screw it A LOT OCD when it comes to plates and the way they are placed on a piece of equipment. If I am Benching and someone comes and removes a plate it takes every fibre of my being not to go ape shit crazy and yell at the perpetrator.
@ Matt, I guess you have just proven that you are an absolute moron. The comments about the matrix spreadsheets and reverse curls were completely sarcastic. Congrats for being trolled.
I would include people that don’t ask when taking off the weights from the rack I’m using (for fuck’s sake, I searched for those first, I haven’t finished them yet!), and people that don’t put their weights away. I would add an exception to #10 though, since sometimes you may be expecting something important, and if it collides with training time, there’s really no other option.
I think it is funny that you forget YOU started somewhere – perhaps us “Lat syndrome people” have a pump going on and our arms are out wide because at only 80Kgs we just rep’d the stack 15 times and the stack weighs 120Kg!!! Some times your rants are just YOU TRYING TO BE A BLOW HARD MATE – take a look in the mirror sometimes – just because you’re BIG doesn’t mean you’re strong mate!!!
Yawns at half the WAFFLE above – just male testosterone fuelled bollox half of it!! And yes i CAN do wide grip pull ups with all the additional weight you apparently have over me AND DO REPS on it! But i’m not 500″ big and deep on my chest either – why? because i don’t want to look like or bleat on like an angry APE!
I lol’d so hard. But umm…Crossfit cures everything bros. I really love how people try to justify their existence in these comments. Dude really couldn’t have made his points any better in this article.
If your dedicated to your goals, you wouldn’t let ANYTHING affect your routine. Stop worrying about what “pisses” you off and worry about if your gonna break records. Yeah people do some stupid things in the gym, SO WHAT!!! Are you them? If they affect your workout, then your not focusing on the right thing in the gym. When I hit the gym floor I don’t notice a damn thing around me except where my weights are and what bench I am going to use. Stop raging and lift!
Lol…it never ceases to amaze me how many people take the time out of their day to bash an author’s opinions, why an article was published, or just plain get offended by comments someone posted. This article is supposed to provide comic relief as related to strength training. Most of you would be better off in life if you shut your mouth, kept your opinions to yourselves, and didn’t take everything so personally. Laugh once in a while.