Dear Grandma,

Christmas is almost here, and I wanted to get this letter out to you as soon as possible. This year, more than anything, I want to be jacked! Last year’s gifts were great, but I have new goals now – and I know how much you support me. You are always super busy too, so to make it easier on you this year, I am sending you a list of approved Christmas gifts. Also, knowing your budget is tight, I kept everything under $100; EliteFTS has kickass sales, so you can always find a good deal!

EFS Iron Ski Long Sleeve – I outgrew the sweater you gave me last year, so I need a new holiday sweater. There will be quite a few parties to attend, so I need something festive. We both know this is better than those stupid ice-skating Moose sweaters Uncle Rick always wears!

EliteFTS Blender Bottle – I need a new one, because I pulled a Jen Comas Keck! I left my old shaker bottle in my car after a workout in August, and the last bit of protein was cooked into a small biohazard.

Fat Gripz – A guy at the gym has a pair of these, and they are amazing! Not only do they make regular bars feel like fat bars, but they also add more range of motion for more time under tension. And speaking of tension, how about Aunt Ruth drinking too much eggnog on Christmas Eve last year?

Muscle Tech Mass Tech – Like I said before, I want to be jacked. And who is more jacked than Matt Kroc? So if it is good enough for him, then it is good enough for me! Maybe I can fill out my medium shirt someday.

Spud Inc. Lifting Strap 1″– If I want to build my Kroc-pezius, then I need to do tons of rows and shrugs.

Spud Inc. Suspension Straps – These would also be a huge help for my home gym! I made a mistake and got a rack from the “other guys,” and when I tried to do rack pulls, I bent the pins. Now I can’t move them, and they are way down at the bottom. If I miss a squat, I will get smashed, but these will catch the bar before I get hurt.

Spike energy drinks – I went to a Learn to Train seminar this summer and had three of these in a few hours. Even with only a few hours of sleep, I was wired and ready to go, and I set a deadlift personal record (PR) that day. Wonder what would happen if I drank four?

Rumble Roller, Extra Firm, Compact 12×5 – After Marvin got into trouble at that massage parlor, I will not go near one – so this is my next best option. It has ridges on it to break up knots in my muscles, and there is no chance of me going to jail if I use it.

E-books –You can get me any of the e-books on the site. You don’t even have to pay for shipping. You can just forward me the e-mail to download it and… Merry Christmas; you are done shopping without even going out in the cold! They say The Vault will disappear soon, so you may want to pick up a FREE copy for yourself.

Gift cards – If you can’t decide, just go with a gift card. Then I can pick up whatever I need down the road. There is a ton of stuff I want; I just need to decide what to get.