A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to Brian Carroll about his epic man lust, and some of the stuff he was doing with his nutrition. Man lust aside, I noticed from talking to him via text and phone – and stalking him on Facebook – that he was all about his nutrition and stuff like that now, and how he was getting stronger. I also saw the pictures he posted every so often. He was getting leaner, but not losing weight on the scale. He also told me that he wasn’t really counting calories, paying attention to macros, or anything else that pretty people spend their time worrying about. Stay away from carbohydrates during the day, and go wild at night. Eat whatever you want after you train. Sounds like a horse that I can hitch my wagon to. Eating like total shit is a HUGE past time of mine.
After about 5,762,987 trillion text messages and half as many e-mails back and forth between Kiefer and myself, we came up with a plan. For those of you who are unaware of Kiefer, he has a Masters degree in Physics. Attention to detail is the name of the game. This is, in parts, VERY simple. It also requires a bit of reading of his blog on my part, which is fine, and a bit of application knowledge, which is also fine. I work at a gym, lift weights and do stuff. I’m not going to completely outline it. However, here are some changes we made, things we added in, and other things we dropped…
- Quit eating breakfast and start drinking coffee. The breakfast part was easy. My first meal was usually anywhere from 5-7 hours after I woke up in the morning. Yes, 5-7 hours. Apparently I was getting jacked without even realizing, and to that end, caring. I just want to be strong as fuck. Should I happen to look good and smoking hot chicks want to bang me? I’m cool with that too. The coffee was MUCH more difficult. I HATE coffee. I don’t know how you sick people drink it. I really don’t. Kiefer and my girlfriend BOTH swear it’s some sweet nectar from the gods, however I thought, and still think, it tastes like piss. From the Gods, perhaps, but it’s still terrible. I usually manage to ALWAYS burn myself with it too, and I just have a disdain for warm drinks in general. Tea sucks too. Claire hooked me up though, and we defeated the heat with a coffee cup in the freezer, handfuls of ice cubes, and the pot itself in the freezer. As for the taste, heavy cream and some Splenda are nice.
- Added in Leucine to everything. Apparently the stuff is pretty amazing. I know Shelby and Justin Harris have been firing off and raving about it for years, and I used it sometimes, but was woefully inconsistent with it. I’m now finding out that I spent all of that time pissing up a rope, as it seems to definitely be helping me get “jacked and swole, brah.”
- Added some supplements to every meal. In addition to my normal food, I get in a scoop of Anaconda or Mag-10, Leucine and Low-Carb Metabolic Drive. Then I eat whatever the hell I want. Usually a sandwich – my favorite food group. Tastes like amazing. A word to the wise. DO NOT MIX ALL OF THIS TOGETHER. It tastes like DEATH. I’d rather drink hot black coffee than hydrolyzed casein. It’s seriously awful. Do like the bottle says, and mix it alone with the flavor stuff. It’s a million times better, and you don’t end up vomiting it into the trashcan like some washed up fitness bunny.
- Kept the Gangster Anaconda protocol the same. It actually works VERY well with Kiefer’s system. This is a plus for me. Did I mention I eat like total shit after I train?
- Do some walking around or random sprinting on the treadmill. Also do some prowler work. This will piss all of you off: if I run on the treadmill, I wear Vibram Five fingers or do it barefoot! My hips, knees, ankles and lower back feel like a million bucks all of the time. Feel free to express your hatred for me taking part in a “fitness trend” and feeling awesome in the comment section below. I can also run for at least 60 seconds at a six minute-a-mile pace. This is infinitely better for me as a person than dragging a sled like a mindless idiot back and forth. Both help with heart attack aversion.
- EAT LIKE TOTAL SHIT AT NIGHT. This is the best part. It wasn’t really a change (Ask Wendler), but how f*&%ing awesome is this? Seriously? Ice cream? Pizza? Pop by the gallon? M&Ms? I eat all of this shit, from about 10:30 PM until I fall asleep at 3-4 AM. I’ll give you an example of what I ate last night. I could probably produce a receipt for all of this stuff, but really don’t care if you believe or not that much.
Foot long from Subway with a bag of Doritos, big bag of peanut M&Ms, 20 ounce bottle of Pepsi, and a four-gallon can of monster. Made it back to Wendler’s house and ate some of his M&Ms and two of his Klondike bars. Then, I drank two cans of Pepsi, ate some more M&Ms, had two scoops of protein powder and went to bed. Whats not to love? My pancreas absolutely hates me, but in this day and age, whose doesn’t? Really? Shelby, put your hand down.
Also, I’ve been having a hard time forcing food during the day. I might eat one or two times before I train, three at most. Kiefer added a super gangster shake that has a ton of stuff in it. Going to start with it on Monday, as I plan on consuming more calories than I should all weekend. ALL HAIL NACHOS!
Obviously, it’s more involved than this, but, it’s Kiefers stuff, not mine, and I’m not going to give it to you. He might, if you ask him nice, and Paypal him some cash. I’ll say that you can pick up a ton of it from his blog at http://www.dangerouslyhardcore.com, and for those of you who are interested, his blog definitely has the information you’ll need to get started on your journey to be as awesome as I am.