Since the release of “Twenty Things That Piss Me Off About Commercial Gyms, Part 1,” we have been inundated with Facebook messages, emails and text messages. Most of these messages confessed admiration for our ballsy approach toward the health and wellness centers where physical mediocrity is not only accepted but preached. Various clients in the legal profession warned us to “err on the side of caution” in case certain manufactures of “vibrating platforms” got offended. Let’s hope they have more important things to worry about. So without further ado, here is the much anticipated part two. Enjoy!
11) People who wear Beanie hats and other fashion accessories in the gym: Unless your name is Dave Tate or you happen to be a serious bad ass, I don’t even want to see you with your hood up. Take off that ridiculous hat, mini cashmere scarf, and those Christian Audigier jeans. They won’t help you add weight to the bar or pick up girls. Don’t you realize you look like an idiot? WTF: 8*
12) Gym managers who don’t know s**t: Now he might not look like your atypical gym manager, but you can bet your bottom dollar that lurking within the magnolia walls and uber comfortable surroundings of your health and wellness center, there will be a desk bound jobsworth, a glorified sales rep—the elusive gym manager!
This person doesn’t care about you or your results. All he cares about is how many new members he can cram through the doors. He probably just plays with bits of paper all day and uses irritating acronyms like “FTE.” This person has probably never felt the caress of cold steel on the fingertips, and when it comes to training, he doesn’t know his arse from his elbow. His idea of a 1RM is the furthest distance he has thrown last month’s sales figures into the waste paper basket. WTF: 9*
13) People who talk a great game and then ask for a spot on 60 kg: I don’t give a s**t what you used to bench! If you tell me you can bench 120, then you’d better be pretty damn sure you can bench 120 because when the bar comes crashing down on your windpipe, I won’t be there to bicep curl it up for you. WTF: 7*
14) The overweight fitness manager: Do I really need to go into this?
“Now, listen up guys. The best way to burn fat is that vibrating platform thingy!”
You can’t seriously tell me how I should train my clients when you clearly have never seen the inside of a gym, or if you have, it must have been through a rose tinted, Krispy Kreme doughnut haze. Instead of boring me with targets, how about you target that spare tire with some barbell complexes. WTF: 8*
15) The person who needs a spot on rep four and then tries to squeeze another six reps out: This is always good for a laugh. “Yep, yep, I’ve got it…my bar…no, no, just give me a little hand and I’ll go again!”
If you read part one, you’ll immediately recognize the “it’s all you” approach that has to be employed here. When the bar is descending at the speed of a scud missile and you find the bicep curl back to the top position is getting harder and harder and the lifter is still adamant that he has “another two reps in me,” you know it’s time to rack the bar, mutter an obscenity, and walk off. WTF: 8*
16) “Balance training”: I realize that I may be leaving myself open to a whole load of abusive messages from avid “wobble board/disc” thingy mgiggy fans and personal trainers from all over the world, but the thing is I really don’t care!
“But my trainer said I need to do my rehab on a wobbly, semi-circular rubber disc in order to strengthen my ankles.”
Yes, I concede. This is true for some post-injury rehabilitation work. There—I said it! However, if you aren’t injured—and this is the thing that really hacks me off—maybe, just maybe—and don’t shoot the messenger here—but how about you first try your “standing on one leg” balancing act on a stable, flat surface. It’s hard enough trying to perform a strict set of pistol squats on the floor let alone on some over turned semi-circular rubber disc! And let’s face it—when will you ever be in a situation where the floor magically starts to tilt? And don’t be a smart a**. If you want to work your “core,” why don’t you try a set of deadlifts on for size? WTF: 8*
I can’t decide who I want to scream at more…
“How was your super functional workout?”
“Oh yeah, man, mine was great. My core got worked a treat!”
17) Personal trainers who can’t teach the most basic lifts: Instead of trying to baffle your client with Tabata jumping dumbbell squats (great for the advanced trainee of course) and single leg Siberian twisting medicine ball lunges, why don’t you learn how to coach a f***g back squat properly? WTF: 9*
18) The member who performs the same routine every week, every month, all year long and then pisses and moans when he doesn’t get results: “But my mate Dave has been training for 10 years. He’s a big lad, and he says that if I keep adding weight to my drop set chest flies I’ll stack the size on!”
Look, I don’t know your mate Dave, but if he’s anything like you, he must be a f*****g idiot as well. I’m not trying to help you break through the plateau for the benefit of my own health. Fine, don’t listen to me. You keep your creatine induced, water retention, swollen arms and your chest and triceps program and f**k off! WTF: 8*
19) Personal trainers who do internal qualifications and then instantly become expert authorities on…: In my humble opinion, taking part in a two-hour kettlebell “master class” led by some pimply faced personal trainer who at first glance doesn’t look old enough to be your offspring doesn’t make you the leading light on one of the most difficult and taxing physical disciplines.
In some gyms, poor unsuspecting members are cajoled into taking part in poorly taught, dangerous, and sometimes frantic kettlebell swinging sessions. I’m not pointing the finger of blame at the fitness professionals, who as a direct result of attending stupid fluff filled courses, unwittingly became qualified in losing muscle and gaining fat but more at the paper pushing fat managers. Sorry, did I say “fat?” I meant fitness managers… WTF: 7*
20) People who don’t put their weights back: I bet you were wondering when this was going to rear its ugly head. It’s unbelievable how people can load the bar with a zillion kgs of weight and then expect them to somehow fly back on to the weight trees all by themselves. Oh sorry, did you think that the magical, tiny weight pixies did it for you? Or did you think that it’s the duty of the hapless fitness professional who has been slaving away his entire shift just to keep your grubby paw prints off the benches?
Seriously, how lazy can you be? Thank the good lord above that you don’t train in our gym. And another thing for those choice few stars who actually do bother to begrudgingly roll their weights back to the racks—could you at least spare a few brain cells in order to think for a second and then put them back—and here’s the really super amazing bit…*insert drum roll*—where you got them from? Bingo!
I don’t know about you, but nothing pisses me off more than a f******g pig sty of a weight rack where you have to break your back in order to get the 40s out because some bright spark with all the brain capacity of a dead chicken has decided to place them right on the top tier at the back so you have to reach over two feet in order to pick them up. Grrrr! WTF: 10*
Well there you have it—my top twenty things that piss me off about commercial gyms! To be honest, I think there may well be another installment to follow because I’m not convinced that we’ve covered all the topics. We’ve just scratched the surface really!
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Zoran Dubiac is an experienced sportsperson in many different disciplines, but his passion lies in athletic performance enhancement. He is an expert in using both conventional and cutting-edge methods, having spent years putting his exercise and sports science accreditation to practical use with a range of fitness clients. He has worked and trained with relative novices to talented Olympic hopefuls alike and understands how to achieve maximum results for both. With an unrivalled passion for training and a willingness to ‘get under the bar and lift,’ Zoran is recognized as an athlete who can jump, sprint, lift, and push all his clients to a higher level in order for them to fully appreciate the gains that can be achieved while keeping them healthy in the process. 
the only real benefit to going to a commercial gym is there are girls there. the few i’ve seen at my gym are roided beasts which makes me prefer the normal sausage fest
I have no choice but commercial gyms…
I live in a city…in an apartment…and cant deadlift on the 8th floor.
I love the guys (and gals) who accuse you of taking a bunch of supplements because you have a nice physique. They fail to mention that I squat atg with weights that could crush me. All yea, and I do another unrelated lift while sucking wind from those same squats. Quit doing curls and ohp in the smith and watch me. Do the shit I do then you can say whatever the f you want. Until then shut the f$*% up.
You know what should be added under number 11, gloves. I have no respect for anyone that wears gloves to workout.
I just realised that there is no background to myself or the facility that I co-own with my long time friend and biz partner Sean Keefe.
My name is Zoran Dubaic and I am a Strength and Conditioning specialist from Manchester, UK. I have been lifting weights since I was 13 years old and some of my fondest memories have been spend under the bar.
Over the years I have competed in many different sports and disciplines and now spend most of my free time either hauling ass in the gym or spending time with my wife and baby daughter.
Sean and I own and run Strength & Performance Ltd – a KICK ASS gym based in Stockport, Cheshire (UK). We train a whole host of serious clients including top UFC fighter Michael Bisping, (sorry Dan Miller fans!) members of the England Lacrosse team, wrestlers, rugby players and pretty much anyone who wants the best out of their training.
Our website is: http://www.strengthandperformance.co.uk
I look forward to any comments or questions you may have.
Lift BIG, get STRONG!
Zoran
lol @ Bret – still building up to a ‘part 3′ brother…. will get it posted up when it’s done! Z
Nice list! Great picture for number 16. Also… How about women whose strength training consists of 1 set of lunge/bicep curl combo’s with 2 lbs. dumbbells; guys who grunt and shout the rap lyrics on their ipod and act super-intense during their set of spider curls (they usually wear wife beaters); the “Arnold Encyclopedia” expert who knows how to hit the biceps from every angle but avoids barbell curls on account of his back; the guy who does “circuits” using every station in the place but takes 10 minute breaks between every set and loads everything with ten lbs. plates; and women who kill themselves on the treadmill but do half-chinups on the assisted machine until their upper chests are over the bar and look like they’re working as hard as someone watching TV? (some of these might have been in the previous article, if so apologies, I forget)
Laughed out loud at work when seeing the pic of the guy squatting on the ball haha
Weird fucking lazy and old people who do nothing but stare at you, assholes hogging equipment while not even doing the exercise correctly or just not even trying and taking what seems like 10 minutes between sets
I used to work for 24 hour fitness. I can say that my time there was frustrating because most of training was on how to close a sale; nothing about training. Everything was about sales and supplements. Every once and a while he would go over my exercise selection, but how could i trust a guy who said he hates to train. I felt like a robot and had to compromise some of my training methods and principles to appease the higher powers. My manager once said that I had to incorporate bosu ball training to make the client feel like they are doing something “cool” and “different.”
I HATE people that don’t put their weights back. At the Gold’s i have been going to for the last 6 months it is ridiculous. About 2 weeks ago this one guy was dead-lifting and just left the bar with 4 plates on each side in the middle of the floor. Seems i spend just as much time rearranging other peoples mess as I do working out at this pig sty of a gym. Can’t wait till my membership is up and I can go back to my old gym. i wish for fucks sake there was a legit gym in my town.
yeah great article, you also forgot the groups of retards that come in together and talk for 15 minutes between each set while they all bench
Watched a young guy take up the power rack today, wearing a wifebeater of course. He had lifting wraps, and was getting super psyched up to do…………
Barbell curls, done with 95 pounds, hip thrusting the weight up
After which he did a set of deadlifts/low back arches, with 135 lbs
Then he rested for about 10 minutes
The gym was also playing this song while this was going on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tMZ-HcC4qc
F*^&ing aggravating would be an understatement
Oh, I forgot about the bastards who want to wrap the squat bar with towels, to do quater squats with 150 lbs.
My basement gym and training strongman in my friends garage are the best decisions I ever made, I’m never going back to commercial gym hell.
#20 is truly one reason why I have decided to build my own gym in my shop
As a contract trainer, being told not to use my own prowler with my clients cuz someone might get hurt! Oh and not being able to flip tires either.
I love the picture of the guy doing the squats on the ball. I gotta figure out how to do this, just think how badass you could be squating 405 like that ( or the ball breaking ). Seriously, Most of the reasons are why I inversted in a rack and train at home, the clowns at the gym are just too much. One of my favorites are the personal trainers that are “experts”. On saturdays, my children have swim lessons at the Y, and I will usually go do standing overhead barbell presses (their rack is taller than mine), so anyway, I’m pressing more than my bodyweight for reps, and about rep 5, some jackoff starts hey bro, “you know that exercise is bad for your back”. Thats whats wrong with gyms, EXPERTS.
Wore an Under Armour shirt and couldn’t do a full rep.
Combined one-legged bosu ball curls with alternate-eared cell phone yaks and got a core, cardio, and strength workout, because some meathead was squatting in the curl rack.
We have raw, shirted and drug-free benching. When are we gonna see an all you, two-fingered bump category?
Did an hour of cardio while watching a cooking show
For those who are against gloves, you should have worked out in the pig sty that I used to work out in. Bunch of high school jocks, couldn’t lift for anything, but did a great job of swapping cases of ringworm and impetigo around the place. And of course, all of these idiots would never wipe down their equipment when done.
Lifting in that Petri dish, I didn’t want to even try working out without a full biohazard suit on. In that place, yeah, I bought gloves. Also the only gym I’ve ever been in (except for my parent’s pump house I had a small gym in when I was in high school) where I routinely would lift in a full length t-shirt, and track pants.
It’s places like that that make me love my current gym. I workout wearing shorts and a t-shirt, and can go totally barefoot if I want. No worries about cleanliness.
I’ve been using my garage gym so long I forgot about the joys of a commecial gym.
Here is one not mentioned: The new guy who insists on being popular. Has to be the training partner of the resident pro, imposes himself as an extra on established training partners, likes to talk about himself, etc.
Please tell me that the pic of the guy squatting on the ball was staged and did not happen for real….
Austin nailed it with the “loaded with 10lb plates”…….I don’t understand this. If you need more than (1) 10lb for just about anything, especially squatting, get the hell out. And while you are leaving take your tampon-duct-tape-towel-trap-saver crap off of the bar.
I also love the “disinterested stronger partner” syndrome. Somehow an actually strong guy agrees to lift with his girlfriend’s kid brother, who does nothing but praise him the entire day, only to get shunned and misguided and resigned to “swap my plates” routine after every exercise. Shame on both of them for being so douchy.
CELL PHONES when there is a “NO CELL PHONES” sign right next to the person’s head. Wake up dummy.
I hate it when people….
21. Load up the bar and then walk away and come back 15 minutes later and say they were using that. Sorry, but you can have the bar when I get done. No, I don’t allow idiots to work in.
22. Ask to work in and then go about changing your set up. Example: I’m squatting, and a guy wanted to work in. He proceeds to take off all of my weight to do BB shoulder presses. Sorry, but I’m not unloading 500 pounds so you can do shoulder presses with 115. No, I don’t allow idiots to work in.
“17) Personal trainers who can’t teach the most basic lifts: Instead of trying to baffle your client with Tabata jumping dumbbell squats (great for the advanced trainee of course) and single leg Siberian twisting medicine ball lunges, why don’t you learn how to coach a f***g back squat properly? WTF: 9*”
This x 1000. Totally sums up about 90% of PTs in commercial gyms in the UK.
The guy at my Gym that uses straps to do curls with 25lb dumbbells…
the picture of the guy barbell squatting on the stability ball almost made me spit on my computer screen
Pet gym peeves: People who grab a set of DBs from the rack and then proceed to do their set standing right in front of the rack so no one else can pull off their DBs. Ditto for the barbell rack. People who walk by the side of the bench while I’m in the middle of a bench set; seeing someone in my peripheral vision breaks my concentration.
Man you people got sandy vags. @Jeff I know a guy that uses straps with light dumbbells, he’s got mild arthritis and it helps with his grip.
I guess I just ignore all the dumb shit people do at the Anytime Fitness I go to. I’m sure me and what I do freaks them out too. I go in, I train, I clean and put my stuff away, and I leave.
I have an additional two to add, it would have been three but someone already added gloves.
1: people screaming and carrying on making a ton of noise. When I hear that I expect to turn around and see a freaking record being broken, not someone finishing a set of wrist curls in the squat rack.
2: lifting straps. Train your grip. caveat, only allowed for shrugs 500lbs and up.
On thursday I was squatting and some douche (in a wife beater of course) who was spending all his time on some silly curl machine came up behind me and said “you want a spot?” and I yelled GO AWAY!!!
In my gym the (two) power racks are too close together and similarly by the benches the weight trees are right next to them, very close to where the bar would be moving. There’s always the moron changing plates in the next power rack while you’re squatting, which is distracting and nerve-wracking because of the risk he will bump your bar. Same thing on the bench. For some reason they can’t wait less than 30 seconds for you to finish your set before they get in that space and to make matters worse they usually wait a bit after changing the plates (while in your risk space) before doing their set.
Pardon, but how does my wearing gloves at the gym affect you? I had no idea there were so many fashionistas here. Not every woman likes calluses.
Personally my commercial gym pet peeve is the incessant advertising over the PA. Where I go (initials are FW) it happens every 7 minutes. Headphones are required for the sake of sanity.
1: Being told that “it’s dangerous” to squat and deadlift without shoes on. Piss off!!!!
2. Being told that “it’s dangerous” to deadlift. Piss off!!!!
3. Being told “The weight is probably too heavy for you if you put the bar down that hard when you deadlift. Can’t you read the no banging the weights sign?” Piss off!!!!
4. Being told that “it’s dangerous to arch your back like that when you bench press. Put your feet ON the bench to really isolate your pecs”. Piss off !!!!
5. Being told that standing bb presses are dangerous, and that I should stick to lateral raises for more “balanced” shoulder development. Piss off !!!!
F-ing hilarious If only you could see the Gold’s Gym I’m at it’s as if you wrote a book about the place!!!!!
I never realised how much I would depend
on my dishwasher. Having good back up and
service is so vital so that i do not need to worry
if anything goes wrong.
1. the guy who walks around and talks on his bluetooth and always gives you the “what’s up” headnod in the mirror when i have my “i’m about to shit my pants” squat face on.
2. the guy who plays music from the speakers from his iphone so everyone can listen to his shittier selection of music than the overhead speakers.
3. the guy who squats in the smith machine AND does quarter reps
4. the guys who flex their abs in the mirror in front of everyone, “just to check how their doing”
@Matt- LOL at your #4! Gotta a few dudes at my gym that gotta check out their abs between sets! I like to get near them in the mirror, wipe my forehead with the belly section of my shirt, exposing my “1″ pack abs :o) then go back to standing military/deadlift/tucked & arched bench press/box squat. Cheers everyone!
#20 Hits the nail on the head. I’m also from stockport and I’ll be switching gyms pretty soon!
I also love people who sit on benches or machines for a good 10-15mins…watching the TV. They are my all time gym superstars!
Setting the goddamn plates back where they belong makes up at least half of my warmup.
Good stuff! hahahaha! Yeah, I don’t go to a commercial gym, but I have occasionally gone with a friend as a ‘guest’. Hate the ‘meat market’ scene, douche bags who lift chest & bi’s everyday, & the 18 1/2 year old ‘personal trainers’! Most people spend $300/yr. on a gym; take the $300 and buy some of your own equipment, even if its used. Get with a friend & make a gym in half of one of your garages or basements. Or just set up some caveman training in the back yard (ropes/chains/tractor tire & sledge hammer/ logs…). Ride a real bicycle. It can go places. (Cycling is my cardio staple & about half of my transportation!) Commercial gyms are for older folks, homos, & douchebags. I’ve been training for almost 20 years and, over time, I’ve built a well equipped home gym, but I had to start with a lame second hand bench from my big brother, the plastic weights with the concrete in them, and running sneakers. Train Real. Train Hard. Go Big or Go Home. Better yet, Go Big at Home! If the iron is in your heart for real, you don’t need ‘The Scene’. Good luck, men.
Sincerely,
31 and still getting stonger & faster in Scranton, PA
The greatest Halloween costume I saw this past year was KP55. What a great Kenny Powers Costume.
The commerical gym that i belong to ( which in one sense was a mistake to join) doesn’t have a power rack, that tells one just how bad it is. It does have 3 smith machines and two “racks” that have slots for the bar to fit into. THe power rack that I bought which cost something like 300 bucks has j hooks and is more appropriate for any kind of half way serious training than that stupid commerical gym. I myself am a trainer, and I acknowledge that I don’t know it all, not even close so I like the philosophy of Westside barbell where people in gyms expect to learn and help others in their training. I’ve talked to many people who were doing some kind of exercise that either showed bad posture or the machine they were on required them to rotate from the hips. From what I understand that is a good way to compromise a disc in the lumbar region of the back.
I tried to tell several people about this and told them to check out Stuart McGill or Mike Boyle or Eric Cressey, as soon as I walked away they went back to doing what they were doing with no intention to try a basic front plank or a modified side plank and build up on strength and their form to increase the strength of their obliques and rectus abominius ( sp)
One thing that happened in this commerical gym that I am very proud of is the day I did a medicine ball throw against the wall had a partial plastic partition up. The ball hit just over the partition and the ball went right through the wall… I was going to just walk away but people just gawked and stared so i had to tell the manager, he to his credit said ” don’t worry about it, i’ll have it fixed” lol
Anyway Not everyone who works at these gyms is a bleeping idiot. Although I would say between this gym and Golds I’ve only seen like 1% of the guys who were actually doing so serious thoughtful methodical training. All others would do well do learn some basic stuff and train.
Last thing, all commerical gyms want “trainers” who are currently certified, even if certification itself is problematic given that there are so many different ways to get certified, and being certified is no indication that they can teach or better evaluate a person as to his or her short comings and weaknesses and potential problems.
Crazy really crazy the so called fitness industry. This morning yet AGAIN a level 3 :-D personal trainer was training a man at the same gym I use. . . fucking pathetic, the whole play one big joke. Piss light weights nice and safe. . . bollocks it drives me crazy inside to be aware of such things. Another man, fat, doing his 20 min walk in the fat burning zone on the treadmill before the horse play with the thigh adductor/ abductor machine while some clown vibrates their life away on the vibrogym thingy. I’m nothing special compared to the best but christ I try and I listen to the advice from the more experienced veterans. Great article!