Top 5 Gifts for the Office King

In the last installment, I advised you on 10 excellent gifts for a cubicle dweller. Now, let’s say you’ve toiled in fluorescent hell for the better part of your adult life and now find yourself at the high-end of the job band spectrum. Your office has windows and your parking space is reserved. You are big pimpin’, relatively speaking, in the land where the height of one’s walls indicates their status in the grand hierarchy. You accumulated the means and the expense account to eat nothing but the most-aged meats and cheeses and drink the finest brown single-malted liquids.

Through all of your climbing of the ladder, you have not sold out. You still appreciate the value of iron (and I’m not talking commodities markets). You know that golf courses are full of assholes and the country club set makes you either want to vomit or become violent. While Gordon Hendershot down the hall is busy impressing his fake friends with tales of custom-ordering some new imported vehicle that screams “LOOK AT ME, I’M A DOUCHEBAG,” you prefer to have blood streaming from your nose as your grind out a new PR. Under the bar is where you belong.

But, you have projects to approve and underlings to guide. You have no time to waste on drives to gyms or waiting for Mr. Mousse-and-Body-Spray to finish his pre-clubbing pump routine in the squat rack. As it happens, you are in luck. Below are the Top 5 gifts to start that garage gym and reward yourself for a life well-lived. This is not about bang for your buck. This is about the getting the best, price be damned. You’ve earned it.

1. Ultimate Prowler Package

Every good program has a need for conditioning. Be it at the beginning of a meet training cycle, or as a steady constant to maintain awesomeness. There’s no better conditioning tool than the Prowler. And there’s no better way to buy a Prowler than to get this package which includes everything you’ll need to become bulletproof without a Kevlar vest:

Prowler 2
Spud Inc. Sled Strap
Spud Inc. Upper Body Strap
1 1/2″ Manila Sled Rope (25 foot)
Drive Pad
Reverse Push Handles
Utility Tray
All-Action Harness (S, M, L)
Econo Core Blaster

$999.00
Ultimate Prowler Package
Everything you need to push, pull, drag, and drive.
Custom made for EFS DSWS-R-P2-PACKU
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2. Power Rack – EFS Monorack

There isn’t much else to say about this that a glance at its picture will not answer. Amazing. Order this with all the trimmings and you have the infrastructure to do anything you’ll ever need to rule the world.

Deadlift/Clean Platform
0-90 Collegiate Bench
Band Pegs
Chin Bar
Extra Spot Pins and J-Hooks
Pulling Stands
Step-Up Attachment
Dip Attachment
Bar Holders
Chain Storage
Box Squat Box

$5,399.00
Power Rack – EFS Monorack
The SuperDuty Diesel of All Racks.
Custom made for EFS DSWS-EFC-MONOR
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3. Barbells

I recognize this is not one item, but you’re a game-changer and can do what you want. No single bar will do. Get these and you’ll be destroying PRs.

Texas Power Bar
Texas Deadlift
Texas Squat
Yoke
Swiss
Trap
Log
Super Shoulder Saver
Spider

Specialty Bars

Power Bars

4. Plates

You have the rack and bars. Now you need the weights. A player like you needs two sets – bumper and iron. Since money is no object, better get the competition grade for both.

Competition Grade Bumper Plates & Competition Grade Metal Plates: two of each of the smaller calibrations, then 20 each of the big boy plates (either 45 lbs or 25 kg).

Eleiko Bumper Plates

Weight Sets

5. Books

Ok, not exactly a big money item. But, you’re no fool. You’re smart enough to sniff out BS on the job because you paid attention and studied long and hard to gain the required knowledge. Training is no different. While not a wallet-buster, these books are invaluable to anyone’s quest for strength.

Starting Strength
Managing the Training of Weightlifters
Supertraining
Science and Practice of Strength Training
Block Periodization
Block Periodization 2

Strength

Not sure what it all costs, but for a whale like you, it doesn’t matter. Good luck crushing the skulls of your enemies in cubicle-land and destroying PRs in your garage.